The End of Times — "We are deeply concerned for the environment. Since the 90's we've seen it deteriorate rapidly," said Haiku Deep, sitting President of the Hipster Lumberjack Association of America (HILUA). "Global Warming didn't exist in the 60's, 70's, and 80's. We believe this was due to the fact that the world was immersed in a cold war. Ok, we don't really remember what it was about, but we know that it was cold and that there was no Global Warming. What we don't understand is why they stopped the Cold War when we needed it more. Must've been a global conspiracy against the 99%. So we want to unite the world under one righteous cause: Bring back the Cold War!" chanted Mr. Deep, whose real name we are pretty sure is Brett, or something.
"Let them boys have fun with their little war, the world will end in a couple of months anyway," a White House staffer declared.
